"The Gum Thief"

So, I started reading the new Coupland book we finally got in at my store. I've been looking at the damn poster day in and day out for weeks, just dying inside because that book is not in my possesion yet. But now... it is!
I've been reading for maybe an hour, and already so many awesome things said.

The best description of yawming I have ever heard:
"I was waiting for the bus this morning and there was a sparrow sitting in the azalea beside the bus shelter. I looked at it and it yawned...this tiny little wisp of heated sparrow yawn breath rose up from the branch. And the thing is, I began yawning too - so yawning is contageous not only from person to person, but from species to species. How far back was it that our premordeal ancestors forked into two directions, one that became mammals and one that became birds? Five hundred million years ago? So, we've been yawning on Earth for half a billion years"

And another simply logical, and brilliant statement. Something I've been trying to manufacture in my brain for years:
"Speaking of biology, I think clonging is great. I dont understand why churchy people get so upset about it. God made the originals, and cloning is only making photocopies [keep in mind the book is about Staples employees]. Big woo. And how can people get upset about evolution? Someone had to start the ball rolling; its only natural to try to figure out the mechanics of how it got rolling. Relax! One theory doesn't excude the other"

Brilliant!

This is how I spend my Tuesdays

So Basically, Here's the deal. Brian and I (see above, this is Brian) have hours to kill on Tuesdays, so the only logical thing to do is rent out the studio, get some lights and shit, and just mess around because its awesome and a ton of fun. Jen was a good sport about being a model.


I mean, she is part native. I wasn't way off right?





So, this may become a Tuesday tradition, but once school actually starts in real life, the things we shoot will most likely be more art related, and project initiated. Not photos of Jen in various states of dress haha. Or maybe they will be?

Green light go.

Unpacking is almost accomplished. I have cleared all boxes out of my room (except mine. bahahaha I had to) and things are getting a little more spacious and organized.

Once organization is finished and done with, goal number two of my new school year pledge will begin: yoga.
I need to get everything that's causing me stress dealt with before I begin to work selfishly, and vainly, on my body. Which I am not happy with lately due to the amount of stress, which then sufaces as eating, or not eating. Man, messy.

Anyhow, yoga, will start. soon.

Well, I did say that there would be new photos of the new apartment coming up, so here goes.

Dont worry kids, Ill keep the pathway to the bathroom free and clear for those messy nights we need to have. I shall plan a party night in toronto soon.





My bedroom in all of it's messy glory. I do love it. I moved it around after I took these, made some more room and cleaned. So its not this crazy anymore.



Well I wont bombard you with any more photos just quite yet, but I did take some more, out of bordom. I had never actually taken photos of myself without makeup on. I dont let many people see that, but, finally, I did it. They'll be around.

Oakville tomorrow, for the most dreaded friday. But, I get to see you people. Which is exciting.
See ya!

I love toronto cab drivers.

I really do. most of the time.

Already having a bad morning, I trecked my way home from Oakville on the train, finding my ipod dead and many a thought in my head. Swimming ones. Uncomfortable ones. Those kind that won't let go.
I arrived at Union, and in haste, anticipation of home, and The Office season three dvds, I jumped into a cab with no cash on me except maybe some quarters. Visa.

After finally arriving at home, handing th driver the card and hearing "sorry, no green cards here" I just wanted to die.
"Convieniance store"
I have no debit card. I switch purses too often. I use it too often, never making its final destination to my wallet most times.
There's a TD down the street, I suggest going there, and after finally running in there nearly sobbing, probably looking like a chicken with her pretty little head cut off, I had twenty dollars. (mental note: pay twenty dollars on visa immediately to avoid immediate intrest)
(mental note: visa paid) I jsut found my debit card in my wallet. I seriously have some kind of horrible karma attacking my life.

(YES! got paid!)

I got into the cab thinking, Ill pay him and walk home, it's not far. "Get back in here" he says, and I do.
"Give me ten dollars and Ill take you home" At this point the cab meter must have been around 11.00 on the meter, plus another 3.00 to get home.
I'm nearly in tears when he pulls up to my house and turns around to say "You know what happened to me today" I nod, and he proceeds to tell me about a couple in the car, going to the film festival, not knowing where the theatre was, talking about million dollar deals, and then when the cab driver gets lost, admits he was lost and that it's his fault, the two of them don't pay him.
"What shit!" he yells. ha, made me laugh.

He wished me a good day and took off.
There are some assholes in the city, but when you really need them, the good ones always pull through.

ADD post.

So kids,
Wasaga was fun, as you all know. I propose a Snowboarding trip in the winter. Deal?

Drunken times, stupid girls at bars, laughing until my face hurt, it was tres fun. My back is so itchy from burns and it's alright.

After all that relaxing, I am now moved into my new digs. It's alright, Im sure once the packig is over, and the boxes out, with newly painted walls, Ill be a lot more at ease with everything. Its a longer commute to one job and a closer one to the other, but I guess when you win some you lose some too.
Pictures will come soon enough. I need to unpack my photo gear haha.

I got my paycheck today!

It's weird being in a new living situation. I mean, the tense attitude is gone, and there's more space. I dont walk out of my place into a kitchen, or a group of people I dont know.
Jimmy is currently out with Rory buying an airport, because our router doesnt work. We both have macs, may as well buy other mac products right?
It would be nice if the internet worked this year.

-----------------

But I'm still baffled by the past weeks events, and my head always hurts just trying to understand. I read books, understand society, and find myself to be a fairly intelligent human being, but quite frankly, I only doubt thse things after the weeks I've had.
"It only makes you stupid to think that you are the less intelligent one, don't lower yourself to these things he's said"
When it's cause is something chemical, something finite that you can't change, it's easy to beat yourself up. For once the "its not you its me" cirumstance need not apply. Because it's all me.

Yeah I should get over it. It's really not worth my time. I'm just baffled is all.

Day one of two.

Day one of training.

I really have no idea how this is going to go. Designated smoke breaks, standing for eight hours. I mean I've had jobs, I have other jobs, but this one, is like, the kind of job I never got to have.

My mantra today will be: " Three more days until Wasgaga, Three more days until Wasaga....."

Box it up

So, this is my life currently:

I am moving, and packing is hard enough without the other mess.
I should have known "can we talk" is never a good thing.

I can't wait to get out of this apartment. There are way too many bad memories here. I love when things come full circle. Im not even being sarcastic.
I'm looking forward to starting over. Leaving the people and the feelings associated with this place and getting the hell outta here.

"I didn't think it would bother me, you being younger and all"






Box it up, get it out of my system, and leave it all behind.

Man i can't wait for Wasaga.

The Photo Post!

So kids, I took some rad photos last night with Darren. He dragged me out and we shared a tri pod, and went and found some neat places in the annex.
I bring you, The photo issue:








And then, there's the moving. Oh my. The moving is having a bad affect on my heart. I am forced to look and read these peices of my life that have been posted up on my wall. Sometimes it's happy, and sometimes it's very sad. Lets jsut say I'm not looking forward to taking down the wall in front of my computer. Which is why it's still currently up. I will put it off until the last minute.






Yes well, thus ends the photos. This coming week, much packing will be done and my life will get extremely hectic. School will then start, and my new job will start, and this means I'll have school, magazine job, and bookstore job. Basically condensing my life to nothing but work and a lack of social interaction. fuck.
Wish me luck.

Seriously haha

You're David Copperfield!

by Charles Dickens

Coming up from a childhood that felt abusive, you have risen through
hard work to gain a place of stature in your life. You've spent altogether too much time
in factories and end up misspelling a fair number of words. But in general you are seen
as a beacon of hope for others who might not be as fortunate. Lots of people keep
mistaking you for a magician and are waiting for you to disappear.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Megatron's evil twin. haha

I AM
72%
MEGATRONTake the Transformers Quiz

Seriously kids. Im dangerous.
haha.

I'm also evil.. Jer and I get along, this is why. haha

Next

Oh how I love a softer world.

PUBLISHED!

Man I wish I could scan you the pages in the magazine but I cant... security haha. But, STILL.

Jennifer Ann Rose Soutar, is Published.

I took some portraits for the magazine and today we got the first copies off the press. Im credited twice and I have my name in the front of the magazine a "Photo Intern"
SO EXCITED

I need celebration people!
Im going somewhere in my life!

Oh boy.
Words, and blogger cannot discribe how happy I am currently!

DRINKS ON ME!

Things that make me upset.

So, starting this off on a good note, I planted a tree today. It probably won't bloom until I move to my new house but, it's something to look forward to.
Lately I have been getting into helping the environment. I mean, I constantly forget to turn off lights, and I take long showers, but I will plant a tree for all the amount of carbon I use. Ill plant five if I have to. Or ten, I dont care.
I'm a photographer and aside from its convenience, the lack of chemicals and opportunity for heathier printing and natural inks and such makes me happy I bought a digital.

Anyhow, I want to adopt a cat from the Human Society and I have been seriously looking into it.
Cute?


I don't usually look at the dogs section but I did today, and it made me terribly sad. The fact that 90% of the dogs up for adoption are pit bull terrier or a mix of similar kind is ridiculous. These dogs are so adorable, and abandonning them will not make them any more open to love and adoration. Like human beings when we are abondonned or hurt, we hold those things inside of us. Unlike dogs however, we have everyday instints on how we are to act in public. These dogs can't turn off their reactions. So when they get pissed off and attack someone, its the dogs fault. Right? ugh. Owners. Take care of them.

Anyhow, I need to look for places to live.
Peace out. A town down.

Yeah so.

Lately I have been writing more. Not the kinds of blog things I write, but novella things. Not so much profound as interesting, but sometimes the little things make the best thoughts.

I was unemployed for a little while, which I didn't tell everyone because quite honestly, I was embarassed, and extremely upset about the whole ordeal. I have of recent though, gotten some work in the Fashion and Beauty section of the magazine which will be interesting. I never thought of myself as one to be surrounded by nice clothes and make up before (please tell me everyone laughed at this. its funny... really)

I also got a phone call from Chapters on Richmond about going in for an interview tomorrow, which should go well since I do read often, was there earlier today, and love starbucks ha.

In my writing I begun to go over the many things I have stored in a folder entitled "Writings". Now, this folder, if read, would most likely change the way most people think they know me. Its the kind of honesty that may be unforgivable at times. But it's all true.

The tamest writing, circa, who knows:

As he turned to me I knew he was aware of it all. All the aches and pains. Now, I never said he cared, but he knew. And this was all that mattered to me.
Gauging things from now on would be difficult. One miss step. The rabbit hole never ends.
And as the things you lost fly by in the peripheral, there won't be time for apologies.
Similar to those who experience their lives flashing before them in a moment of mortal panic, those who lose those they love, or love itself experience a flashing of moments. The difference lies in time. The given time-frame is not quick. It does not simply pass before your eyes, but slowly before you in a manner that invades your dreams, thoughts and every day conscious thought.
As the ceiling rewinds my past like projection on a screen I cannot help but ask if it's my fault?
As I turned to him, he knew. And I simply didn't care.

Birthday love and love of dj's

So First off... Big Happy Vag Day shout outs to my gal pal Winnie-kins. haha
Love you, you unicorn loving weirdo.


Anyhow. I came home to Burlington and found DJ Mehdi on my computer. No doubt Nate's doing. Asshole with his good music.
Listen to the song "Lucky Boy - outlines remix" DO IT!
The rest of it is also fairly rad.
http://hypem.com/artist/dj+mehdi

That is all.
Ps. Cam is back in Burlington, and although I'm sad about the circumstances, I am tres happy to have him around again. He was missed terribly.

Man.. for real?

There are some real fucked up people in toronto.
man. Is it bad Im considering it? ha I need a place to live kids!

http://toronto.craigslist.org/apa/381947335.html

Sorry I dont know how to make things hyperlink.. if I did I would but serious. Cut and paste it. it's worth it.

I hate medications

It costs way too much Money...

Muscle Relaxers - 58 bones.
Stomach medication so the Muscle relaxers dont give me ulcers - 40 bones
Tylonol 2s - 15 bones.
Alesse - 46 bones.
Guardasil - 180 bones.

Seriously.
All I want is some Nikes, and I gotta spend stupid money on medication because I slept funny and hurt my neck, and because I am a girl and apparently cervical cancer is bad. so lame.

UGH!
Fuck you Phamasuticals.

Where I lay my head.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "home" lately. I've had a few. They weren't all typical four bedroom houses though. Nor were all of them places where my family resided, but they were all places of comfort.
I spent the weekend in Burlington from Friday until tomorrow morning, which will be Monday, and truely, this is not my home any longer. Things shift sometimes, and no one can really explain it. It might have finally realized exactly how different things are from when I once called Burlington home.
A year ago, maybe a year and a half ago, I still considered Burlington home. I had more here to hold onto than I do now. I had a boyfriend whom I loved, and friends that I cared about, and a Mother that did my laundry and I never felt alone. Now, the boyfriend is gone, he lives in Ottawa with his new girlfriend, and my friends have dwindled to a certain few who I spend my time on. My mother no longer does my laundry, arguing that I would have to do it myself if I was at my apartment, and somedays, I feel the most alone I ever have.
The alone part - doesnt bother me; the laundry - bothers me.

I mean, I'm fairly lucky. I have a job I love, a precious few best friends whom I love, and who love me, and coffee shops on Bloor where I can go to watch the rich people shop. What else do I need.
Now, I know this is passes for a diatribe, however, I don't write these for them to be read and responded to persay, I write to get things off my chest. Burlington has a funny way of catching me emotionally off guard with the little things that it brings back into my life. If only for a moment.

Sometimes the places we grew up in are no longer our homes, and it is these days of sudden realization that are often the hardest.

I have found a solution.

Boyfriend Pillow:

- doesn't expect sex in exchange for cuddling.
- you can tell him all your problems without worrying he'll say the wrong things (even though talking to a pillow is kind of creepy).

I do my best.

"Heartbreak is good for the skin, but all that it's helped is my drinking"

Relevence

I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on

We all know it's what I do best.
I am best known for my resiliance. Always will be, always have been the floater of the group.

This weekend was awesome amounts of fun. Laura's was sweet, and my house on Saturday was nice and chill. It's great to have some friends to hang out with to take my mind off of things. Thanks guys. I am so very tired.
Tomorrow is the fitness photoshoot for the magazine. 8: 30. gotta be at the studio for 8:30 haha
At least I know where it is this time. Oh my.


I like photoshop. ha When I started taking those self portraits on Wednesday I wanted them to be high contrast light, black and white, with some emotion. Lord knows I'm no model, and that I'm just a big goof so they ended up how they are: American Apperal lighting with nakedness and props. ha But, with some photoshop, I got what I wanted. tada!

This is what "working from home" looks like.

bahaha. So.
Today I didn't have to work but I had to edit photos and whatnot. So, to celebrate Jenn's new Tripod that she bought, she look some portraits of herself.

Favourites:



But, I got all my work done like a good intern and I got some nice photos out of it too ha.

See you cool cats tonight!

Someone enlighten me

I dont understand how people can hurt other people. I mean, I get it, because I've done it. But how can they do it and not understand that they are hurting someone?
How can one be so oblivious that the other is hurt? You tell me you want to be friends, and I say I don't want that. So somehow, this means, I need to be your friend? Just because someone isn't getting laid doesnt make this even.
No I do not want to be your friend.

A while ago, I wouldn't have been strong enough to even say that.
Now, I get what I want. And stay away from what I dont.

Before all of this happened, I was beginning to make myself happy. I was weeding those out of my life whom I no longer wanted, or needed. Those who gave me nothing in return for my giving. They were gone. They are gone.
So is he. Now.
Currently, if something doesnt work out, I move on, because hanging onto people, things, anything even if it was only around for a little while, doesnt help.
It only makes things worse.

At least he had the balls to bring it up. Not even I have parts like that. Congrats. It's my fault for thinking you were different.

I wish my hair was still long. At least then I could feel pretty.

Seriously? Seriously‽

hehe
I had to use it!!

So today was Jenn's big first day of on location shooting. The day started out very rough. Seriously. It took be about fifty minutes of wandering around in circles before I could find the damn trailer. Oh well. Once I got there, there were a few bad moments. One of which I almost cried, but I have learned that this job will break you down. I gotta learn to be tough.

Then everything was awesome. Mind you I can't post any photoblog images because it's classified information hombres. But, Once I look them over, maybe there's one or two that contain zero information haha.

I realized today what I am happiest for. I am happiest for the opportunity to do something I love. So few people have that chance ever in their lives. Imagine a life of never doing what you love. ever. I can't.
I am twenty years old, going into my third year of university and I have a job that most people right out on university with their degree couldnt score. I say this, and I do it in the least conceited way possible: How many people would kill to be me?
I mean, I know I'm great but that's not why I say it. I say it because I know people in jobs they hate. Friends, family, people I love. I can't imagine my life right now without this job.

I mean, I love my friends and things for me are getting better, but without this job, I would have nothing. I would have a best friend, and my bed, and that's about it. Now, I have a job I love, a best friend, and a bed to sleep in when I am tired after a long day of doing awesome things.
Sorry I don't mean to rub it in. I am just so happy things are on the right track, and maybe I won't end up a poor photographer for the rest of my life in my house with my 99 cats.

just maybe.
hehe

Jenn has a new fav photographer!

The good thing (one of many good things actually) about woorking at the magazine is the endless supply of awesome photographers! It's quite amazing actually.

www.darrenbraun.com

The new fav!

Man, I'm glad I sold my soul!

Kanye is a silly bitch

Daft punk + Kanye West = love.



Kanye, those shades, really? Where can I buy some.

Stay or Leave.

If there's anyone around here that understands that things come and go, it's me. I might be the professional. Since I was a kid I've been a drifter. It takes a lot to hold my attention. Growing accustomed to certain lifetime trends is sometimes dangerous. Values, and manners, and various positive traits are often engraved into our minds from birth, why not the same with the flaws we hold as adults? We're all broken.
While I don't quite believe we are born "perfect" in the social connotative sense, we are born clean. We are well oiled machines. We eat, digest, poo, and then cry again when we are hungry. Most of the time, our parents, or whomever takes care of us, does everything in their power to find out what is making us scream. Since we have no language. If we are ignored, this is the first step.
Those of you with happy parents still in love, thank your lucky stars. Siblings that get along? even still. We are all broken by heart.
I have always been honest, painfully so at times, but when a piece of me is at stake, I leave. This signals things are over.
I don't know where I am going with this, but I just know I meet people frequently, and make friends often, but I don't meet people I get along with very much. I would say I call them the "lucky few" ha, but I don't give myself that much credit. I just love my friends, because they put up with my shit. Thank you.

I promise I won't do it again.

Beautiful.

"I hope that you are a disaster. I'm sorry, but I do. I hope that you are thunder and lightning. I hope you are a forest fire, I hope you kill the dead wood and burn off the rotting leaves. With the canopy gone, the sun can get in. You need new growth. I hope you're terrible and broken and perfect."

Days on the job.

Disclaimer: I probably shouldn't start writing about this right now because I am very tired and cranky, and my mother is driving me crazy, but I will.

Today I had my first day working at the Magazine. It started off on a pretty bad note: lateness. For the record, this was not entirely my fault. I let three streetcars pass because they were either not going where I needed them to, or they passed by me. So in my frustration (at this point we have twenty minutes to travel a half hour's commute), I walk to Spadina, which I know will take me right where I need, and what does the driver start doing, talking to the controller standing on the platform as we go around the circle. For a good five minutes, or what felt like five minutes. Buddy! People have places to fucking be!
I get on the subway soon enough after they cease exchanging niceties ("Hey, My name's Bill, hows the kids?") and begin my long sit to the office. Luckily enough for me, my boss was also running late in her schedual, and she looked over my lateness and considered it convenience.
Quickly, I was introduced to my co-workers, told who to bug when in need of answers, and put to work. En route, I happened to sneak inside the fashion room, and oh boy, ladies, Fall coats and shoes, oh man, Im excited, you should be too! ha! The lady I work with is terribly funny, and great company. Sharing a desk with her is a breeze. She had asked me to bring in my portfolio which I found semi surprising, but assumed that she just wanted to see what she was working with.
Upon looking at my photos she asked if I would be interested in shooting some editorial portraits for an upcoming issue! I can't say what and who the portraits are of, but I can say, Im so stoked! Later in the day, my boss asked me to go to one of their fall fashion shoots and take some behind the scenes photos. Which will be awesome. I believe both of those shoots are next week. Gotta buy a new battery!
Besides the exciting news, my day consisted of editing some photos, researching some films, and looking for a needle in a hay stack (also known as looking for a particular photo in a pile of magazines).
And now I sit, eating mass amounts of carbohydrates, and thinking about having to call my mother back and apologize for yelling. I am tired, and cranky, but so excited about this job!

I hate ttc. ha

Why I blog.

Well, I don't persay. But in all seriousness, I enjoy writing. I thouroughly enjoy writing my thoughts down, and I have come to the point in this writing where I don't feel productive keeping words locked in my harddrive.
I think that "blogging" has gotten a bad rap. The universality of the internet taints anyting that attempts to be true and honest. Making things accessable has long been a trend in how to properly drain the soul out of any art form. When it comes to photography, the accessability of digital gear has been an arguement against photography as an art form rather than a commercial and recreational tool.
This may be a dead horse already, but I feel everyone has the right to write, express themselves and they are entitled to doing this in any fashion they please. Some people just happen to be better at it than others. These people are authors and photographers, artists and inspiration. There are levels.
I was scared of blogging. Scared of what it may turn my writing into. Im okay with it now.